Is your partner, wife, or girlfriend considering becoming a gestational carrier? There are many articles and blogs from the perspective of the surrogate or intended parent, but how about the partner or spouse of the person serving as a surrogate?
When one decides to become a surrogate, it can impact your life and those around you. Surrogacy requires a lot of physical and emotional energy and will occupy up to a year or more of your life. While the surrogate will be the one going through the screening process, medical procedures, and pregnancy – having your partner’s support is essential.
Below, we speak to Chad, the husband of one of the many amazing surrogates we work with here at Fairfax Surrogacy, to gain a unique insight into how the surrogacy journey impacts the family and beyond.
Speaking To The Husband Of A Surrogate
FAIRFAX: Can you share how your wife approached you about becoming a surrogate?
CHAD: My wife very lightheartedly asked, “What do you think about me being a surrogate?”. I knew very little of what that meant at first, but I believed in supporting her no matter what. So I responded,, “Yeah, why not!? if that’s what you want to do, I’ll support you 100%”.
FAIRFAX: What were your initial feelings about it at the time?
CHAD: My initial feelings were more curiosity than anything else. As I said, I had known little about the process. I know my wife would not do anything to risk our family’s well-being, so I just wanted to know how I could help.
FAIRFAX: Often, gestational carrier partners have many questions, such as ‘Can we still have sex?’ ‘Will we be able to have more children in the future?’ ‘How do we tell our children?’ or ‘Can I be in the delivery room?’ What were some of your concerns or questions, and how were they addressed?
CHAD: My main question was, at what point would our sex life be affected, if so. Other than that, I would sit next to her as she researched so I could learn as she did. I think doing that was an easy way for us to stay on the same page.
FAIRFAX: Can you describe your experience speaking to others (extended family, neighbors, friends, etc.) about your wife’s surrogacy journey? Did they ask a lot of questions? Were they supportive?
CHAD: I would proudly tell my coworkers that my wife has decided to be a gestational carrier. Most of them didn’t recognize that title, so I would have to explain it to them. I would always say, “Much like a surrogate.” Most of the questions I was asked were, “what did compensation look like”? I would answer with the amount; most of them were shocked at how much it was. To be honest, I don’t think any of them fully understood what it could be like for a woman to go through a pregnancy.
FAIRFAX: Overall, now that you’re on the “other side,” how was the surrogacy journey experience as a partner of a gestational carrier?
CHAD: The journey was life-altering. I would say it was tough and yet fulfilling in so many ways. I stuck by my word and constantly supported my wife in every aspect of life. Physically and emotionally. We grew as a couple throughout this journey. It also changed our financial status, which could help many relationships. I also saw a side of my wife that made me respect her even more than I did. She went through so much, as do most women during pregnancy, but there is added pressure. She was a warrior through and through during the entire process.
FAIRFAX: What advice would you give to couples considering becoming surrogates?
CHAD: If a couple is considering a surrogacy journey, my advice would be no matter what, you need to stick by each other’s side. No matter how hectic or hard life gets, you have each other. It can be the most rewarding experience if you just stick together without conditions. Also, plan for compensation. Don’t just use it like money falling from the sky. Put it to good use and let it create a better future for you and your family.
Fairfax Surrogacy’s surrogates have completed their own families but want to transform lives by helping grow other families. In becoming a surrogate, women give other families the hope and joy of a pregnancy, which they otherwise would not have. And in the process, they change the families’ lives and their own.
If you and your partner feel you’d like the surrogacy journey is something you’d like to pursue, or you are interested in starting the process, Fairfax Surrogacy is happy to help. Please click here to see the qualifications. If the qualifications are met, you can apply by clicking here.