Many people who grow their families through surrogacy are no strangers to the stress of the dreaded two-week wait or the disappointment of a negative pregnancy test, but that doesn’t make getting that negative result hurt any less when they happen. While surrogacy has some of the highest success rates, it doesn’t always guarantee success the first time around. Embryo transfers are not 100% successful – even for surrogacy.
Dealing with your surrogate’s pregnancy test being negative can be hard. It can feel unfair and make you question if you’re ever going to have the family of your dreams. These are all normal conclusions for your brain to immediately jump to when you hear the news – but it’s important to develop healthy coping mechanisms to manage the news and move forward.
Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings
When you first hear the news, it’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, or angry. Receiving a negative pregnancy test can feel devastating. It’s okay to grieve and have the intense emotions you might feel. Don’t try to push them away or convince yourself you’re overreacting. A negative pregnancy test result is a loss. It’s a loss that is normal to mourn over. Recognize your feelings and know that they are valid.
Communicate and Seek Support
While we’re on the topic of feeling your feelings, it’s a good idea to reach out to and communicate with your support system. Whether that be your partner, family, or close friends, sharing your feelings and concerns can provide a much-needed outlet for your emotions.
Also, consider seeking support from others who have gone through similar experiences. Online forums, support groups, or counseling services tailored to surrogacy and fertility issues can be extremely valuable resources. Talking with other people who may have had similar experiences or losses can be a great source of support.
Give Yourself Time to Process
Dealing with a negative pregnancy test result is a significant emotional event, and it’s important that you allow yourself the necessary time to process it. Understand that healing and acceptance won’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself, and give yourself permission to experience a range of emotions as you come to terms with the outcome.
Avoid rushing into any immediate decisions about the next steps in your surrogacy journey. Take the time to gather your thoughts, reflect on your desires, and talk with your partner and surrogacy agency when you’re ready. Remember that everyone’s path to coping and recovery is unique, so don’t feel the need to pressure yourself to conform to a specific timeline.
Reassess and Regroup
After you’ve come to terms with the negative test result, it might be helpful to reassess your surrogacy plan. Work with your surrogacy agency or healthcare provider to look at the factors that might have contributed to the outcome. Talk about some potential adjustments to help improve the chances of success in future attempts.
You should also take this opportunity to center yourself and recognize that a negative pregnancy result is not a failure. Your journey has not been set back because of this test result. Rather, know that setbacks are a natural part of the journey, and continuing to stick with your journey will inevitably increase your odds of achieving a successful pregnancy.
Focus on the Positive
While it’s entirely understandable to feel disheartened after a negative pregnancy test, try not to lose sight of the positive aspects of your surrogacy journey. Remember the progress you’ve made so far—the steps you’ve taken, the hurdles you’ve overcome, and the love and dedication you’ve invested in growing your family.
Celebrate the small victories and cherish the moments that have brought you closer to your dreams of parenthood. Focus on the love and support that surrounds you in your support network, and appreciate the connection you and your surrogate have built throughout this process.
Practice Self-Care and Emotional Healing
Coping with a negative pregnancy test can take a toll on your emotional well-being, so prioritize self-care during this time. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether that includes spending time with your loved ones, investing in your hobbies, or taking a break to unwind and relax, self-care is essential to your emotional healing.
We’re Here to Support You
Getting the news of a negative pregnancy test during your surrogacy journey can be emotionally challenging. Giving yourself the necessary time to heal and leaning on your support network is vital to cope. Be sure to focus on what you’ve accomplished so far in your journey and practice self-care to prioritize your emotional well-being.
At Fairfax Surrogacy, we understand the emotional rollercoaster that comes with the surrogacy process. Your surrogacy journey might not always be smooth sailing, and we recognize that. Every setback, every hurdle, and every negative test is a testament to your resilience and determination. We are not just an agency; we are your partners in this journey, committed to providing guidance, understanding, and unwavering support.
Remember, every journey has its ups and downs, but it’s the ending that counts. That’s why we’re here for you every step of the way – to support you and help you overcome the challenges you encounter during that journey. If you ever need to talk, ask questions, or simply seek reassurance, our doors and hearts are always open. Your dream of parenthood is ours too, and together, we will make it a reality.
